Married Men: Do you want more intimacy? Then read this

Whenever I talk to a couple about their marriage and they indicate that “sex” is an issue, it never fails…the husband says “Robin, tell her! Tell her that the Bible says her body belongs to me”.  I always laugh because I am amazed at how men who don’t quote any other parts of the Bible, always quote “a wife’s body belongs to her husband” and “wives submit to your husband…” without hesitation.  And they rarely quote the FULL scripture!

 But to appease my fella’s, ladies click HERE!

 Alright men.  Back to you.   

 If you want more sex…keep reading. 

 See, while we know what the Word says, we are all human.  And for most women our sex drive is turned on when we feel emotionally connected with our spouse. 

 I know every couple has experienced a sexual moment that seemed like something was off.  Sometimes that can be contributed to one of the partners just going through the motions…doing what they are supposed to do, but not what they want to do.

 So fella’s, if you want to experience more “want to” sex, keep reading…

 Let me be clear.

 I am speaking to men who want to love their wives as Christ loved the church. 

 If that describes you….you are a man who loves God and loves your wife….and you are a man who desires more “WANT TO” and not “SUPPOSED TO” SEX….I have the secret.

 Are you ready for this?

 If you want more SEX it boils down to one small five letter word. It’s actually quite simple.   

 Ok…here it is:

 If you want mind-blowing sex…

 If you want your wife to feel free in the bedroom…

 If you want your wife’s sexual appetite to increase….

 If you want her to “want to”…..

 Here is the five letter word:

 TRUST!

 If you want more sex your wife has to trust you.

 Wait!  Don’t shut down because I hear you saying “Awww man whateva.  I ain’t doing anything.  She doesn’t have any reason not to trust me…”

 TRUST is so much more than just fidelity.

 But since you went there….let’s go there. 

 A woman’s ability to be sexually uninhibited is greatly affected if she thinks her man is stepping out on her.  So knowing that your man is not with another woman (in any capacity) is a critical part of trust.

 But there is so much more to it.

 As women, part of our make-up is to want to be protected.  That’s how God crafted and created us.  Now many of us have been hurt so much that we refuse to let our guards down, so it seems like “protection” is the last thing we need. But trust me, no matter how strong we are, it feels good to know we can rest in the protection of our husband.

 So when I say “trust” I mean:  

*   We want to trust that our man has our back….

• Just like you, when it seems like everyone else is against us we want to know that we can turn to you and you’ll be there to shield us from the world.  And sometimes that may put you in a tough position.  It may be your mother, your sister, your friend…and we need you to stand up for us.  Even if you don’t agree with our perception of the situation, knowing that you are willing to stand up for us goes a long way.  It makes us feel that we are truly a team.  A woman will feel sexually turned on by her spouse when she seems him stand up as her hero!

 *  We want to trust that our man can carry the weight…

• Men often tell me that their woman won’t let them lead the home.  But that’s often because a woman doesn’t know that she can trust him to really do that.  Now some of that is the woman’s refusal to give up control.  But that’s another blog for another time.  Back to you leading the home…when a woman goes to work, decides what bills are paid and when, she takes care of everything with the children, cleans the house and on and on…she is confused when her man says “let me lead”. What does that look like? Going to work does not make you the leader of the home. See, the truth is that we are called to be the “HELPERS” to our men. That means that our husbands should be carrying the weight and letting us help them, not vice versa.  Most women really are ride-or-die…we want to get our hands dirty and make things happen for the family.  But if you want us to be relaxed and ready to rock & ‘role’ in the bedroom, we need to know that you can carry the weight of the family and allow us to do what we were made to do…help you.

 *  We want to trust that our man respects our insight & wisdom in decision-making

• Fella’s….we know that you won’t get it right all the time.  But we need to know that you are making prayerful, God-led decisions for the family and that you are including us in the decision-making.  What does this have to do with getting more sex?  If you treat me like your child and you want me to do what you say with no input, then that makes you my father and why would I want to have sex with my dad?  Marriage is comprised of two adults who bring their own gifts, knowledge and wisdom to the table.  No one will want to have sex with someone who treats them like they aren’t a part of the executive team.

 *  We want to trust that our man is making us and our family priority

• We all have dreams and aspirations.  And so often when you have tapped into your passion, it becomes consuming and it is sometimes difficult to prioritize appropriately.  But if you want your wife to be drawn to you, she has to know that she is your priority and that you are looking out for the family.  That means that the decisions you make with your time and money are made with the family in mind.  Remember most women have a relational need to feel secure.  If we feel secure it makes us want to take care of you the way you take care of us!

 Again, let me stress that men and women should meet their spouses sexual needs simply because God has ordained for us too.  But if you want to not only have your needs met, but you want your sexual relationship to be filled with passion, intensity and creativity…you want your wife to do more than what she is “supposed” to do…you prefer “want” to sex…then heeding to that small FIVE LETTER WORD: TRUST will get you on the right tract. 

So here is your challenge.  Take a moment to consider if there is anything you can change, within the next several days that will increase your wife’s “trust” in you.  Maybe you can simply ask her how you can support her more around the house? Or maybe you can ask for forgiveness for not getting her input on family decisions? Only you know what area of trust you can approve on…but consider doing something and then trust God with the rest!

Special shout out to my husband for approving this post…I Wouldn’t dare write a post to men (especially about marital intimacy) without your approval! Thanks for always supporting what I do!

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